The Headphones
by this.pen.is.red
Summary: Previously titled The Reasons Why. Ruka Nogi found Hotaru Imai's headphones one day. He can hear her voice through it, which wouldn't be surprising if she didn't get run over by a car. Based on the book, Thirteen Reasons Why. SAD ENDING UP!
1. Headphones

Disclaimer: I don't own Alice Academy/Gakuen Alice in any way.

I also give thanks to a manga that I read in the library for the story plotline, and also the book, The Thirteen Reasons Why. I based it on those things.

* * *

Ruka Nogi picked up her headphones, ones that he found on his doorstep that morning. He observed it closely, so closely that the picture burned in his brain. Had it not been that she got run over by a car last month, he wouldn't have been surprised that it was hers.

Everyone remained confident that Sumire Shouda was the one who pushed her in front of the car. And yet some, like Ruka himself, believed that it was something else entirely.

Did she even like listening to music? Was that something about her that I didn't know? It occurred to him that he didn't know many things about her, and in fact, she knew more things about him. After all, she was his notorious blackmailer.

In the quiet of the morning, he laid his head on his pillow and remembered the moment when she was run over. He was there; the last conversation he remembered saying to her was the one where she rejected him, saying they were better off as friends.

He rolled over to his side, and looked out his window, unconsciously missing her and her annoying antics. Slowly, he began wishing for her voice to be in his ear again. He put her disconnected headphones to his ear, and listened for a tiny bit of her voice.

Click.

_They say everyone deserves a chance to be recognized. And they usually are, if they're worth it. I'm not doing this for the fame, and I'm certainly not doing this to make anyone feel guilty. I just want people to understand why I would do such a thing._

_Don't blame it on other people, please, because it isn't their fault that I'm like this. I walk in front of the car to feel something. Pain, anything._

What was that? Flustered, he listened to the raven haired girl's faint voice closely, pressing the headphones against his head.

_It's selfish, yeah, I know. But I didn't know what else to do. I'm not happy the way I am, and I don't think I'll ever be happy with my life like this. So here it goes:_

_The first reason why I would want to do this._

_Mr. Narumi._

_

* * *

_

**Author's Note:** Yeah, I know it's short. It's my first fic, so I'm still not sure what I am supposed to do here… But I hope I did it correctly! Hope you enjoyed it and if you did, I'll be working on the second chapter soon!


	2. The Teacher

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Alice Academy/Gakuen Alice in any way. That belongs to Tachibana Higuchi, and her imagination.

I also give thanks to a manga that I read in the library for the story plotline, and also the book, Thirteen Reasons Why.

**Author's Note: **Please forgive me for my OOC-ness, I'm just a little new to this whole thing. -_- Hehehe…

Another sad thing, I kind of degraded Mr. Narumi's reputation here, so if you are a fan of his, it might be nice to find another fic for you. I'll be hurting other people's reputations too, I'm afraid…

* * *

'Ruka, can you please answer the question up on the board?' Narumi pointed.

'Um… Yes.' Ruka was flustered for being called on from the back of the room. 'The answer is five.'

He sat back down and took a glance at his best friend, who was sleeping quietly next to his beloved girlfriend. He sighed and carefully placed the headphones back on his head.

_He was just a regular teacher. In fact, he was more leaning towards good than bad. He would always care about the students and put them first, and whatever. Honestly, it was his kind of personality that pissed me off the most. It pissed me off because I kept thinking about how annoying it was how much happier I was around that type._

_Now I'd like to start by telling you that he's probably the only name that you will hear me call twice. And I'm not trying to rewind the past, or have you to feel sorry for me. I don't need sympathy. What I need is someone who listens. _

_Anyway, the day that my parents were missing, I compulsively fell into a sudden depression. My brother was busy with his job, so he couldn't possibly be bothered. _

_But you knew, didn't you, Narumi? That they weren't missing? _

'Ruka, you seem a bit distracted. Are you alright?' He walked up to Ruka with the kindness in his eyes. There was no way that a teacher like this would've done something that would make Imai… do that.

'I'm fine, Narumi.' Ruka replied in a soft voice. He couldn't bring himself to look at him in the eye.

'Just leave him alone, Narumi.' Natsume mumbled under his breath, and Ruka felt vaguely saved by the gesture.

_Did you know, though, that I knew too? Remember that time, when I asked you: _

'_Mr. Narumi, do you happen to have any information about where my parents are?' and you replied 'They're fine, don't worry. I'm sure they are.' And, as if acting on an impulse, I believed you. Sooner or later, people around me started to change. They were careful around me, as if they were lending a hand to a pitiful puppy that couldn't take care of herself._

_That enraged me. And at one point, people stopped talking to me altogether, and whenever they would talk, they would say how 'sorry' they were. So I told them that I didn't want to be pitied, and that I had no idea what they were sorry for. _

Ruka stiffened as his face turned white. He remembered the moment that she 'told', or rather yelled, at everyone that, after people were trying to comfort her after the death of her parents. Didn't she know that her parents had died? Everyone assumed so, and everyone was angry with her reaction to their kindness. Even he remembered getting mad at her after she yelled at them to leave her alone.

_That's when I came to you, Narumi. You were talking to someone at the time on the phone, so I hid behind the wall until you were done. _

'_Yes, I informed the class. She doesn't know…' was all I heard from you. I came out of hiding and pretended to come in for questions about homework. I asked, 'Mr. Narumi, are you busy?' to which you replied, 'no, come right in.' I came in, with the full intention of asking what had happened. _

_You lied. You didn't admit it, but I knew. I found the little piece of paper on your desk during our talk, and the address scribbled on it led to my parents' graves. _

_And I felt humiliated, not knowing that my parents were dead, and not knowing that the students were trying to comfort me. I was left in solitude, and labelled an Ice Queen that no one should try to help. See, to you, it might have not been a big deal. But when push comes to shove, this one thing had led to everything._

He took off his headphones and sighed deeply. He didn't know what to do with the information he now had, but he definitely couldn't sit in that classroom without her haunting voice in his ear. Cautiously, he stood up and walked out of the room.

'Ruka, what are you doing?' Natsume whispered, and after seeing the pale look on Ruka's face, fell silent.

Natsume stood up as well, and walked out with Ruka. After a few minutes of walking around the school, Ruka broke the silence:

'Do you think Imai was an Ice Queen? Or do you think she was misunderstood?' Natsume was surprised by the content of the question; Imai was a taboo in the school.

He shrugged, 'I don't know… probably not. She was pretty rude to you and Mikan.'

Ruka nodded. He fell behind Natsume, lost in thought, as his grip tightened on the headphones.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Another short chapter... Gosh, how I hated making this. -_- BTW, new ideas are always welcome, and if you want the story to go a certain way, don't be afraid to let me know in a PM or something, because right now, I'm kinda impromptu-ing this whole thing. Haha…


	3. The Boy With Fire

**Disclaimer:** Again, I don't own Alice Academy/Gakuen Alice in any form, although I wish I do. Same old, same old… Based on the book, Thirteen Reasons Why, which is awesome (read it if you haven't already) and some other manga that I read in the library…

**Author's Note:** This whole chapter is really just random… but I hope it fits into the whole overall plot somehow. Like I said before, I'm just making this up as I go along. It's kinda fun, actually.

**Characters who I degraded in this chapter:** I think you might be able to guess through the chapter name. And once again, I apologize for that, I REALLY do… -_-

Oh God, after this chapter, everyone in the world is going to hate me…

* * *

Ruka stared outside the window, wondering whether he should put on those headphones again. With it still in his backpack, he went to class.

At school, something came over him, and as if someone had possessed his body, he sat in Hotaru Imai's old seat. It was cold, forlorn, and he felt like comforting it. Natsume had found him there, and walked straight up to him.

'What the hell are you doing? No one sits there.' He asked Ruka, and slowly Ruka began to search for words within him that could answer his question.

'Maybe… maybe I just want to sit here today.' Ruka knew this wasn't a satisfying answer, and seeing his best friend's worried look, he quickly changed his focus to the front of the room.

Narumi walked into the room with the happy look on his face, but stopped right after seeing Ruka in that position of the room. That look on Narumi's face bothered Ruka, as if Narumi had something that he was guilty for. Ruka stood up.

'Mr. Narumi, are you uncomfortable with me sitting here?' Narumi quickly shook his head, and started the lesson.

Maybe Hotaru Imai was right in the headphones. Maybe, her voice is really there. If Narumi did something he was ashamed of, then it must be what he heard earlier.

He quickly took the headphones during the middle of class, and listened carefully. If there was anyone to listen to Hotaru Imai, then he wanted to be it.

_Next person, not the one you'll expect. I know you'll expect someone like the usual suspect Luna, and I know everyone will hate me once I hate this person, but here it goes. _

_Hyuuga. _

Oh God, no. Ruka was reluctant to sit still and hear the rest of it. He glanced behind to catch a sight of Natsume, and laid his head down in shock.

_Hm… where do I begin? _

_I was lonely after my parents died, in my own personal solitude and was selfish enough to wait for someone to help me. I sat alone during lunch, which of course at the time I didn't mind. I liked eating. It got my mind off of all of the crap that I've been through up until now. And then I realized, I shouldn't have to sit alone. Mikan was supposed to be there. _

_I took a glimpse around the room, and realized that she was with none other than the fire boy of the century, not noticing that I was there, waiting for her. Maybe I shouldn't have expected her to realize that I was alone. _

_I hated you, Hyuuga, because I was jealous of you. How could Mikan, someone so noble and loyal, leave her best friend since first grade for someone she barely knows? I blame you, Hyuuga, because if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been so insecure. _

_For the first time, when I looked into the mirror that night, I wished I was someone else. Someone who Mikan would sit with during lunch, someone who is worthy to be talked to by her best friend. And almost instantly, water came running down my cheeks and I felt a sensation that I had never experienced before. My heart clutched suddenly, and I tried to shake it off but it would only come back stronger. I felt like every breath I took was a mile run by my lungs, and I collapsed to the ground. _

_Well, some may have called it heartache, but the doctors called it an anxiety attack. They said that my heart wasn't strong enough to last another stressful day at school, so they let me rest at the hospital for a while. _

_While I was in the hospital room, I realized that no one came to leave flowers behind. The patients next to me changed minute after minute, until it was someone who I found familiar. Suddenly, like this part of the world had been lit up, everyone started rushing in to see this one person in a hospital bed. _

'_Natsume, will you please accept my flowers?' 'Oh, Natsume, can I please sign your cast?' _

_Suddenly, my eye caught a single brunette who walked into the room, with some flowers in hand. And a familiar voice was heard: _

'_Natsume! You're so stupid, getting hurt like that!' I could see the hidden smile at the corner of her mouth as she retreated to his side. _

_My eyes widened, as if some naive part of me expected her to run over to my side, and yell 'HOTARU!' like she used to. _

_I remember standing up that day, and walking up to you, Hyuuga. I bet you don't remember because it seems all so irrelevant to you. Of course, it was after everyone had gone. The words just rolled out of my tongue, so naturally:_

'_Do you think she hates me, Hyuuga?' and you were speechless that I was standing there. _

'_Why not? You're not exactly a good friend.' _

She paused for a while. Ruka used this time to look back at Natsume, and felt conflicted with all of his emotions.

_I told you: 'I'm not a good person, and I know that. But doesn't friendship mean more than that?' I breathed in a few times and whispered,_

'_Why does she not want to spend time with me? Why is it always with you?' _

_The next few words that came out of your mouth were the ones I would never forget. _

'_Why does it always have to be about you? You're so damn selfish, Imai. Mikan likes spending time with me because I treat her well. Is that so wrong?'_

_And you were absolutely right. It wasn't wrong. But slowly, carefully, I realized that I was not only a lonely person; I was a terrible, lonely person. I tried to convince myself that I was stronger than to have to break down and cry, but it all seemed like a feeble attempt to be the person I wanted to be._

_It was vexatious, that you knew so much about me and I knew little. So I used my fist to make direct contact with your face. Little did I know that people were watching from the side, witnessing all of it. If I was stronger, maybe I'll still be there. _

Ruka remembered that this was when Natsume claimed to him that she had attacked him out of the blue, and it earned her the title of the Ice Queen, caring for no one and mercilessly hurting those who couldn't fight for themselves. Did Natsume spread that rumor?

_If I had felt less insecure, Hyuuga, if they didn't call me the names that they did because of you, maybe I'd still sit in that corner of the room every day. _

He cheeks were bright red, and his heart felt heavy. She'd been right about Narumi, so did that mean that Natsume was also burdened with the blame of her death?

Knowing that Natsume could not lie to him, he walked up to him and spoke his mind.

'Did you tell Imai some pretty harsh things?' He asked, and he could tell Natsume was irritated with all of the questions about Hotaru Imai.

'Why are you so caught up about her? She's not that important to you… is she? She's a terrible person, and it might be even better now that she's gone.' Like a switch was flipped on inside Ruka, he felt angry, almost furious.

'You know, you're kind of insensitive, Natsume. What about how Imai felt? Did you ever care about how she felt at all?'

'Why? She wasn't even a good friend to Mikan, and that's the easiest thing to be.'

Ruka, remembering Hotaru's voice on the headphones, felt the blood rush through his face, and as if acting upon impulse, punched Natsume right across the face.

'Don't speak ill of the dead.' He whispered, and with headphones in hand, ran out of the classroom.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Wow. That was a pretty emotional chapter right there. -_- Don't know how I came up with that. (and it's pretty long. That's so unlike me.) Well anyways, hope you liked it and remember: suggestions are always welcome!

Once again, I apologize SO much for the degrading of Natsume's character, but just want to note that he wasn't the one at fault, but rather Hotaru's reputation, if I make any sense at all. O.o


	4. The Committed Fangirl

**Disclaimer:** No matter how hard I try, I will never own Gakuen Alice.

I will also never own Thirteen Reasons Why or the random manga that I read in the library, which is why I credit it as my inspiration.

**Author's Note:** Once again, sorry, sorry and sorry for degrading the characters that I chose from Gakuen Alice.

Also, sorry about my OOC-ness, because I happen to be really bad at staying in character. :P Well, hope you like it anyways.

* * *

Ruka Nogi couldn't sleep through the entire night. He didn't know whether it was his emotional conflict, or whether it was because he just couldn't get her picture out of his head. Either way, his pulsing hand almost hurt as much as the headache that he developed and he agreed with his body to stay at home.

And yet, the back of his mind told him, that he mustn't stay at home, only because Hotaru Imai had done that. He knew very well that walking away from his problems would only cause him more conflict. Reluctantly, with that in mind, Ruka Nogi got ready to go to school.

The moment that he walked into the room, he knew he was uninvited. Everyone growled at him angrily, their gaze uninterrupted until the moment he sat down. He took a peek at Natsume, who was in his usual spot, sitting next to Mikan. Slowly, Ruka started to understand what Hotaru Imai was talking about.

Ruka Nogi and Natsume Hyuuga's eyes met for a moment, and what can only be described as awkwardness followed. To ease the pain, Ruka quickly found something else to focus his attention, which was the back of a certain 'Permy' that everyone knew. She noticed him:

'Oh, hi Ruka. I know that everyone thinks that you hit Natsume across the face, but I believe that you weren't the one at fault. After all, I am the president of your fan club…' But after that, to Ruka, the words seemed indecipherable. He stood there and nodded, grasping the headphones in his backpack. He waited for her to finish her monologue, and then retreated to his seat.

His ears were waiting for the voice of Hotaru, and for the comfort of the headphones to his ear. As soon as he got a glimpse of free time, he quickly put it on, and listened attentively.

_I guess you're bored of me already. But hold on, the good part's just about to come. _

_Again, I'll tell you this: I'm not here to be pitied. In fact, if you want to hate me, do so freely. _

_Sumire Shouda._

_Every time I think of how this possibly could have happened, I never forget to mention your name. I don't know why you hated me, and to be honest, I didn't hate you back. _

_But it was what you did, what you said, that got me into where I am now. _

_You took that picture of me taking a punch at Hyuuga, didn't you? You're always that girl who stays behind for a little while until little Natsume falls asleep. Honestly, I have to say I'm proud of you. To be able to take such blackmail-worthy shots, it requires a lot of talent and luck. And you had a lot of both. _

_Oh, I can guess what you were thinking when you took that shot. Maybe something along the lines of: 'I'm going to kill that freak for laying her hands on dear Natsume', or 'She really thinks she's worthy of hurting Natsume?' _

_So I guess that's what you were thinking when you sold those shots, too. _

_The next day, I got released from the hospital. I walked into the classroom and can already sense the emotional barrier that everyone had with me. Suddenly, I could hear people talking behind my back: _

'_Watch out for that Ice Queen.' 'The moment that she looks at you, you'll turn into stone.' 'I heard she ate her own parents in her backyard after chopping them up.' _

_I shook it off, not believing that it was me that they were talking about. After all, how could it be? I was supposed to be respected, cared for. _

_Lunchtime was normal, and I realized that once again I sat alone. I glanced around and found that Mikan, Nogi and even Tobita had left already. So I didn't bother with trying to sit next to someone. I carefully opened up my lunchbox. _

_Suddenly, I found that little ants and cockroaches were streaming out. I was in shock, and my hands could not stop shaking nervously. It was like clockwork, how everyone laughed and pointed at me at the same time. _

'_I guess she forgot to fry them today!' 'Do they look even more delicious alive, Imai?' 'You like a challenge, don't you?' 'Eew, do you always catch your food?' _

No, that couldn't have been it, and Ruka thought about it for a second. How was it possible for him to miss that kind of bullying?

_And the one thing that popped through my mind was not 'Oh God, help me', but rather: 'who was that familiar looking face that was smiling at the back?' _

_I found it suspicious, because, after all: who would wear gloves during a math class? Out of the blue, it dawned to me. Of course, it was someone who couldn't possibly get her hands dirty. Of course, it was someone who had to hate me. _

_Of course, it was someone like you. _

_After they started calling me an Ice Queen and a heartless freak, because of my insecurity, I believed them. Maybe this was the time that I stopped wanting to go to school. For once in my life, I was afraid. Afraid that they would call me names, afraid that they would hurt me. But most of all, I was afraid that when the worst things happened, no one would be there to save me. _

Ruka looked up at Sumire Shouda, and called her to come closer.

'Hey Shouda, can I ask you a question?'

_Because of you _

'Yeah, sure, Ruka. Anything.'

_I couldn't face the world as Hotaru. _

'Did you ever put bugs in Imai's lunch?'

_Nobody wanted to approach me_

Sumire Shouda was silent for a while, as Hotaru continued.

_And because of you, _

'U-um, well, just once, because I was angry that she hurt Natsume. You would be, too, right?'

_I felt ashamed to be myself. _

'Sure I guess.' Ruka managed to mumble, and faltered back into his seat.

There, he took two small breaths, and slammed his head on the table. He mustered all of his strength, and whispered:

'I'm so sorry, Imai.'

His head on the desk, he knew that it was useless to speak to her now.

But he wished, somehow, wherever she was, those words would reach her.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Wow… I made that pretty quickly, I think. -_- And it was short. It's no good, and I have no idea where I'm going with this. Well, I hope you like it more than I do.

BTW, again, I'm sorry about this chapter. Feel free to hate it if you want. I love Sumire, I really do. And I'm thinking of making a fic about her alone.

I may not be able to update for a while after this, because I'm starting to get pretty busy. But I'll try my best. :)


	5. The Brother

**Disclaimer:** I hope Tachibana Higuchi forgives me for what I did to her characters… -_- I do not own Gakuen Alice/Alice Academy in any way.

I give credit to Thirteen Reasons Why, which I got the plot from, and also a random manga that I read in the library.

**Author's Note:** After this chapter, I may not be able to update for a while, and I'm really sorry about that. Again, so so so so so so so sorry for degrading characters from the amazing manga, and also please forgive me for the amazing OOC-ness.

* * *

Ruka Nogi looked up at his best friend, with the regret that he punched him intentionally. With that, however, he looked up at Natsume Hyuuga and saw not only his best friend, but also a person who was the cause of someone's suicide.

He walked up to his best friend, only to look down at the headphones again.

'Hey Natsume…. ' He started, 'Sorry.' It was so factually said, that even Ruka himself felt that it was easy.

Who was he apologizing to? Was it Natsume for hitting him? Or was it Hotaru, for betraying her? He didn't know, and the fact that it was so hard to tell bothered him.

Did he expect an answer? Even if Natsume had forgiven him, would he have fully been satisfied?

'You don't need to say anything. I was wrong for hitting you. I just wanted you to see that Imai has her good points too, and you really shouldn't…'

'Trash her?' Natsume answered, seemingly interested in what Ruka had to say.

'Yeah. I just wanted to clear that up. I'm really sorry… I'm glad that's over.' Almost as quickly as those words were said, Ruka and Natsume were friends again, and he retreated back to his original space next to him.

If it was so easy for him to make friends, why was it so hard for Hotaru Imai? Was it just because she was not very sociable? Was there really a reason for her to do what she did?

At least she had her brother,

Didn't she?

Confused, a sudden urge to talk to Hotaru arose in Ruka, and he realized that the headphones were the only way that he could understand the answers. He took them from his bag, and placed them carefully on himself.

_I know what you're thinking: oh, Hotaru's just some sad kid who wanted a reason to commit suicide. Or she's just blaming it on me because she doesn't know what she's talking about. _

_But believe me, if you were to ask any of these people, I'll tell you that they'll freeze up. You all know what I'm talking about, and I would not lie in this. _

_The next person I'll tell you about has to be part of this list for many reasons. One, he's someone who could've potentially led me out of my mess. Two, he is someone who knows all too well about who I am and he knows how to deal with me. And three, because he's my brother. _

_Subaru, this one's dedicated for you. _

Ruka shifted in his seat, shocked. Was this the underlying reason?

_Over the course of my life, I haven't really known you as much, have I? Of course, there was that immature vow that we made back when I was younger that you always wanted to be closer to me, and you always wanted to be a real brother. But other than that, we were like two different people who didn't care much about what life was, and tried to make the best out of it. _

_Yet, somehow, I felt so connected to you. You reminded me of myself and our family, and I wanted to stay near you. _

_I tried my hardest to earn the title as your sister, I really did. And even at a time when everyone in school hated me, I felt some leisure in talking to you, and loved how we had the same kind of views on life. It was really quite amusing, actually, how I came running back to you when I had a problem. _

_I came to you for your advice with everything, so when I asked you about what I should do about how everyone hated me, you just replied with a single word: invent. I smiled, because it was as if you read my mind, and I nodded in agreement. _

_When I got home that evening, I went straight into my lab, to create an invention that would hopefully sell millions. But the moment that I picked up my equipment, no inspiration came into mind. Strangely, for once in my life, I had no idea what I should invent. And all I could think about was the horror of my own sad life. _

_Finally, I made three different inventions, and sold two of them. But the third one was personal, and I couldn't sell it. It wasn't even an invention, really. Just a little bracelet that hung on my wrist. Well, naive as I was, I thought that it was a symbol of my bond with you. _

_I really needed to thank you for your advice. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been able to invent. I regained a little of my confidence after inventing. _

_I knew you liked it when other people took your advice. So, wanting to see your smile, and the affirmation that I was still a part of your family, I went over to you and beamed my new confidence. _

'_I followed your advice.' I told you, and went on to explain about the bracelet. 'It's a sign for something. Something important to me that I don't want to lose.' _

_I felt satisfaction when I saw your smile, and you spoke: 'Listen, I have to tell you something. I know this may be sudden but I'm getting married.' After that, the whole conversation was a blur. I stood there, dumbfounded, wondering who this woman was that you were talking about and why I never met her. _

_You tried time and again to make me get used to her. But she was just so different from me, from us. The more you tried to make her friends with me, the more distant from you I became. Her emotions sickened me, and I was scared of her; somehow I could see right through her plastic smile. _

_Even after knowing I was uncomfortable, Subaru, you thought you could help us grow closer by getting her to stay alone in the house with me. At first she tried to sooner or later, even I could tell that she was frustrated with how I didn't respond._

'_Hotaru, would you like some juice?' She would sweetly ask, and I responded with just a shake of my head. _

_One day, I overheard her talking over the phone. Somehow, I had a knack for eavesdropping, so I stood by._

'_I know, but he's got lots of money. And he's got this sister…' She was silent for a while. _

'_I know. I'll get his money, and then I'll divorce him.' _

'_Oh, his sister? She's this anti-social kid who really could be useful to us. I heard she makes millions…' She stopped, and it seemed as though the person on the other side was asking a question. _

'_If they ever find out… of course they'll never find out. If they do, though, I'll take care of it.'_

_Acting on impulse, I picked up my cell phone and started calling you. But you didn't answer, so I wanted to leave a message. _

'_Subaru…' I began, 'I have something to tell you. Your fiancé might not be the person you thought she was.' _

_She came from behind me, though, and snatched the cell phone away from me. _

'_What are you doing with this?' She sweetly asked, knife in hand, and I felt a sudden urge to run away from the house. 'Are you scared of me?' _

Oh, God. Ruka was even frightened of what would happen next. He still didn't understand, though, why Subaru was the one she blamed, and not his fiancé.

'_Of course not. I wouldn't be scared of someone like you.' I tried to state it calmly, but even I could tell that my voice was shaking uncontrollably. _

'_Please don't tell your brother about this. This'll be our little secret, okay?' She smiled and put her index finger on my lips. Slowly, the knife descended into my left arm, just enough for the blood to be flowing out. I cried out a little in pain, and kept myself in place. _

_By the time I kicked her off of me, I had already lost a lot of blood, and she had already cut different parts of my arms. I felt nauseous, and collapsed on the floor. When I did, though, I found my baka gun, one of my first inventions, on the floor. Out of desperation, I took it and shot three punches at her head; she quickly fell unconscious. _

_I dressed my wounds, just the way you taught me to, and I came back to pack my things and leave. When I stepped into the living room, I saw you dressing her wounds. _

'_Who did this to you?' You asked her worriedly, and she pointed straight at me. My heart was beating like a tribal drum, seeing disappointed look you had on your face. You walked straight up to me, and do you remember what you said? _

'_Hotaru, get out of my house.' _

_I protested against it, but you only yelled at me further to get out. _

'_Please, Subaru, listen to what I have to-' 'Don't ever show your face here again.'_

_I gripped my bracelet tightly, hoping that it would help make this disappear. I couldn't let this end. You were my brother; could you do this to me? But yes, you could, because later that day I packed my things and left. _

_See, Subaru, the reason why I'm talking about you right now is because you believed her. Rather than to hear my side of the story, you went straight for hers. I saw the worried look on your face when you saw a little cut on her forehead, while you failed to see the ten cuts all over my arms. _

_When I got to my lab, I couldn't consider it home. My hands were cut with wounds too deep that I could barely do anything with them. So I mustered all of my strength that day, and picked up a hammer to break that bracelet once and for all. _

Ruka remembered how rumors spread that she stopped inventing because she got hurt on both hands. But he knew that Hotaru didn't stop inventing because her hands hurt. She stopped inventing because it reminded her of this day.

As soon as class ended, he ran to the hospital, the hospital where Hotaru Imai was announced to be brain dead. She was still there, put on life support even if she didn't need it anymore.

He went to visit her, like no one else did, and found her brother there. Subaru sat alone there, his hands locked with hers. He whispered:

'I'm so sorry, Hotaru. Please… please come back.'

Ruka felt the abrupt responsibility to pass the headphones on to him, so he too could know the truth. But Ruka held it close to his chest, realizing his desire to understand more about Hotaru than anybody else ever did.

He just watched the brother wish for forgiveness, and started to feel heavy in his heart.

Ruka realized that he did not just understand more about Hotaru Imai and her brother,

but he understood,

he witnessed,

love in its basic form.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Like I said earlier on, I might not be able to update regularly nowadays. I have exams coming up soon! -_- I can't believe I even finished this...

But anyways, this was pretty long chapter, and pretty emotional.

On a serious note: PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR MY OOC-NESS. I'm horrible at this. T.T


	6. The Best Friend

**Disclaimer:** Same as last time. -_- Too lazy to write it out again…

**Author's Note:** I'm so sorry that I took such a long time in this one! And sorry for my OOC-ness once again. Enjoy!

* * *

Ruka Nogi sat in his old chair during class, and was scared.

He gripped the headphones tightly in his palm, but couldn't dare to hear what else she had to say. All he could see in his head were the people she blamed and could only feel the pain that she felt inside her.

It was suffocating, to know that her brother was begging for forgiveness to her lifeless corpse, to have that extra information that could have kept her on this earth. He wished he could let her know how sorry everyone was that it happened, and that everyone regretted everything that they did. But he knew it was too late now.

Painful as it was, he needed to get to the bottom of this. Ruka wasn't just going to leave this issue unsettled. He courageously took the headphones and wished for this one to not be as agonizing as the last.

_Well, here it comes. I don't want to say this at all, actually. But here it comes. _

_Mikan, if you're listening to this at all, this is for you. _

_I just want to start by letting you know that I do not have any regrets for mentioning your name. I'm not stupid, and you should at least know that much about me. I want you to know the truth, why everything came to be this way. _

_But I'll tell you the truth, though. I don't want to talk about you. I want this not to be something where I say how you hurt me. Because to you, I'm the cold-hearted Ice Queen who will never get hurt by anyone. And I don't want to change that. But do you know, Mikan, that this cold-hearted Ice Queen can only be truly scarred by one person? _

_That person is the little brunette annoying girl, whom everyone hates to love. It's you. _

_After I got kicked out of the house that I was sharing with Subaru, I needed a temporary place to stay other than my lab. So you offered. _

_I was so excited to know that you knew I still existed after Hyuuga; so excited, that I wanted to move in right away. _

_I packed my things, got ready to move in, and when you opened your dormitory door, I smiled for the first time in a long time. I smiled for the rekindling of our friendship; I smiled for the possible end to my miserable life. _

_The first few days were the best that I could ever imagine. We were the best of friends, without Hyuuga, or anybody else in the way of that. _

_But then you had that sleepover. Being the sociable person you are, you invited a bunch of people over for a sleepover, and urged me to make new friends. _

'_Come on! You can definitely do it!' you encouraged me, so I took your advice. _

_After the girls came flooding in with their popcorn and their pillows, they decided altogether that they played a game of truth and dare. _

_The first girl picked truth, and the second girl picked dare, and so on and so forth. It was so repulsive, really. You know for a fact I hate those kinds of games, don't you?_

Ruka smiled at that comment. He could already see the scene, playing truth or dare with Hotaru Imai at the side, nodding but still unhappy.

_Then it came to be my turn. It was you who was supposed to ask me, so I knew it was going to be fine. _

_I picked dare. _

_You stared at me, and giggled. You didn't expect me to pick dare, did you? _

'_I dare you to…. Go over to the person you like, and confess!' You smiled, and gave me the sign with your face that read: I know you can do it! _

_So, wanting to gain your attention and everyone else's, I faced the one I liked, and... couldn't do anything. I turned around, the other way, and quickly turned my direction. The first guy who caught my eye was Akira Tonouchi. _

_I walked up to him, and stated:_

'_I like you', then turned around and walked away. It was strangely easy when you actually didn't care for the person. The girls behind me giggled. _

_You had great intentions, Mikan. And if it were up to me, I would have had enough confidence to go up to the boy that I liked, and confessed. But it was my cowardliness and your dare that drove me to the edge. _

_The next day, everyone was talking. Rumors were stirring, and I once again assured myself that I wasn't the center of it all. But then I heard words whenever I walked by, calling me a prostitute, desperate. _

_No, it couldn't be it. I was okay socially now, wasn't I? After all, I played the game, didn't I? _

_But they still called me those names, and didn't stop. I walked up to you, and stood next to you, feeling slightly safer with you next to me. _

'_Hotaru, how could you?' You managed, with tears in your eyes. _

'_How could I what?' I was confused, unaware of what had happened. _

_You ran away from me, unable to look at me in the face. I asked around, and sooner or later, I found out that I supposedly attempted to rape Natsume Hyuuga. After he pushed me away, the rumors said I punched him and was so desperate that I threw myself at Akira Tonouchi. _

_I cried that day. I stayed in the bathroom, and cried until I felt it wasn't possible to anymore. I wanted to keep you, of all people, by my side until the end. And yet I failed to do so. _

_I didn't explain to you the truth, Mikan. The truth that I didn't actually do those things, because I saw you and Hyuuga closer than ever, with me out of the picture. _

_I didn't want to ruin that image. _

_So I decided not to, and walked away from you, away from everyone. I got a dormitory room for myself, and kept it to myself, so that no one would ever be able to visit me. _

_The reason why you're on this list, Mikan, is because I want you to know the truth. I want you to know that I cared about you enough to let the rumors pass by, and let you and Hyuuga be. I want you to know that how much I wished we were still best friends. _

_I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for everything that happened. _

Ruka closed his eyes, and he himself wanted to tell Mikan Sakura the truth. He too, though, didn't want Mikan to feel the burden of the blame of Hotaru's death.

He saw that Mikan was outside of the classroom, in the garden. She was picking out flowers.

'Ruka!' She called, 'What color do you think Hotaru will like when she wakes up?'

He smiled, and called back, 'I'm sure she'll love the purple ones!'

Mikan beamed with joy, and picked a handful of them up.

When Hotaru wakes up, if she ever does, he wished this would all be over.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hehehe.. again sorry for this whole story. But I hope you liked this chapter.


	7. The Annoying Fanboy

**Disclaimer:** Same as the first chapter. XD I really am a lazy person.

**Author's Note**: Once again, I'm so sorry for being too OOC, and I hope you forgive me for this. I also hope you enjoy it! :D

* * *

Next to a pot of purple flowers, Ruka Nogi watched her delicate lifeless face lying on the pillow of the hospital bed, and touched her forehead.

Being the Ice Queen, he would've expected such a cold temperature and atmosphere from her skin. Yet, he felt as though if it had been him who touched her, it would warm up and she would rise to laugh at how stupid he was. He was slightly disappointed with the turn of events; that she had not awakened to his call.

Suddenly, he stood up, to the sound of someone coming into the room. To his surprise, it was somebody other than her best friend and her brother.

Hayate Matsudaira.

Not much was known about him, except for the fact that he loved Hotaru Imai more than words could describe. Perhaps it was one-sided, but to Ruka, it seemed as though Hotaru favoured his presence as well, despite finding him annoying.

'Oh, am I disturbing something?' was all he said, and Ruka quickly shook his head as Hayate put his flowers into her flower pot.

'I know for a fact that blue is one of the greatest colors to represent Hotaru. Because she is Cool Blue Sky.' He continued, and smiled at her face in the hospital bed.

'Oh.' was all that Ruka could manage to him, and they stood there watching her face in absolute silence.

Ruka reached into his bag, and picked up the headphones.

'What's that?' Hayate seemed interested. 'Wait. That was Hotaru's, wasn't it?'

Ruka reluctantly nodded, and when he looked up to reach Hayate's eyes again, he saw that he looked very interested.

'Gimme! Gimme!' He screamed at him, and attempted to grab it. But it as Hayate failed to grab it from Ruka's grip, he retreated back to his seat.

Ruka, flustered but still smiling, put the headphones onto his head.

_In every historical event or science investigation, there's always that initial spark that creates the big idea. The origin, or the tipping point, when you believe that life isn't so bad. But as the snowball falls down the hill, it gets bigger and bigger, and the small initial spark turns into an enormous mess that you can't clean up._

_I tried to, honestly, I did. Already my best friend had left me, people had been talking about me behind my back and my family was completely gone. My life fell apart in front of my feet, and all I could do is try to piece it back together. So I tried. But every time that I did, more and more factors came stomping in to ruin my incomplete puzzle. _

_I couldn't help but ask myself that dying question: why was I so hated by everyone? _

_And then you came along, Hayate. _

_You were probably, in my entire life, the single most annoying person that I could ever meet. The thing is, you were so persistent. I don't know whether you really loved me, or it was just a phase like everybody else. _

_But I certainly felt wanted by you. _

_You were there to listen to what I had to say, and nodded and cracked a few jokes here and there. I never smiled around you, because it was going to show my weakness inside. But it may be safe to say that I smiled in my heart, feeling saved by somebody, anybody in the world. You felt genuinely interested in what I had to say, and I felt genuinely wanted._

_Then you joined the newspaper club. _

_You really liked that club, didn't you, Hayate? Everyone treated you nicely. But then after a while, you just lost all of your inspiration and couldn't find anything to write about anymore. _

_So you had a bright idea: why not write up something about the list of girls and guys in the grade and rank them? You'll rank them, of course. _

_When the list came out the next day, to my surprise, my name was the top. Next to it was a small text that read: girl with the best body. _

Ruka remembered reading that list and thinking about how strange it was that Hotaru Imai's name was at the top. He recalled hearing names called about her, due to this list.

_You had the greatest intentions, Hayate. You did. You knew that I needed some friends and people to support me. But that was slightly counter-productive, wasn't it? The day after it was published, people at school started asking me to… well, you know. _

_They said that I had experience with you, so I must be able to pleasure them. And so the whole chase started happening. The girls at school started calling me a slut, and I couldn't even have enough courage to look up at Mikan for help. _

_Every day at school, at least five boys would try to grab my butt. Three would try to cup my breasts. The rest would make inappropriate noises when I passed through the hallways. _

_Every time it happened, it made me feel even worse. The part of me that still had pride was infuriated with the whole world. Was I really just an object to everyone? _

_Suddenly, I remembered that I still had you. So I looked up into the crowd of people, and looked for you. _

_What do you know? You were right there, your head hanging down in shame. But you didn't budge from your position to come and help me. I heard later that you won an award for bringing up the sales in newspapers for that one list. I have to commend you on that one, because you certainly did cause a riot. _

_Congratulations. You officially made it onto _my_ list, Hayate. You're a great boy, a good person, maybe. _

_But you qualify on this list, one you do not want to be on, all because you made me an object for sexual harassment. _

Ruka looked up slowly to the person who was talked about, and asked an undying question:

'How's the newspaper club?'

'Oh.' Hayate answered, looking down to the floor. 'I quit.'

'Why?' Ruka was curious to know, and waited for Hayate to look up to him.

'Oh, because, you know. I didn't like what I became there.' He frowned for a moment, and then shook his head. 'I did some pretty bad stuff. And _didn't_ do what I should've.'

'Which was?' Ruka sat and gripped the headphones tightly, almost completely sure it was about Hotaru.

'To be Cool Blue Sky's knight in shining armour.'

Ruka smiled, not for the relief that he felt in his heart, but for the sake of Hotaru, and wherever she may be. He wanted her to see this exact moment, and realize that people still loved her. He wanted to see her smile, one last time.

'So, were you and Hotaru friends?' Hayate asked him, and Ruka felt a slight hole in his heart. He shook his head.

'Oh, so why do you come here so often? And have her headphones?'

Yes, why did he? Why did he spend so much time listening to her voice? Why did he get so worked up when it came to Hotaru?

And then a sudden realization hit him quickly, that perhaps, the reason was very clear in front of him.

Perhaps, he loved her, more than anything could compare.

So much that his heart hurt to think about it.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Right. Sorry again for everything. -_-

So, who do you think should be the next person in the list?

If you've got any kind of ideas, feel free to write it into the review section! XD Thank you for reading!


	8. The Principal

**Disclaimer:** Same old, same old.

**Author's Note:** Sorry that it sucks, and the OOC ness makes you throw up, but I hope you like it. I would like to personally thank muzikchic4eva for the cool idea of making this the principal. Sorry I kinda used and abused your idea… -_- I hope you forgive me for that.

Plus, shout-outs to KidTantei and mikan12345 and nequam-tenshi for reviewing awesomely in many of my chapters. XD Love you guys.

* * *

She stood right before him. Right before his eyes.

Her black hair reached about her shoulders, and her lilac eyes glared into his as she walked straight ahead, about to pass him.

Suddenly, pictures from his brain widened his eyes, and he saw a series of images flash before him.

She walked away, she walked in the middle of the road, and she got run over. The next thing he knew, she was on the floor.

But right before the image of her getting onto the road, he saw something that he hadn't noticed before.

A smile.

It was so small, so insignificant that one would hardly be able to understand why it was even there. That small bittersweet smile sent shivers down his spine, as if assuring him that everything was just about to begin.

With that smile, came a little teardrop that rolled down her cheeks and hit the cold concrete seconds before her departure.

Ruka quickly woke up from this dream, only wishing that it was a dream.

If this had been real, would that mean that Hotaru didn't want to result to suicide? If it had been real, could he have stopped it? Would it have been-

'Alright, let's start the class.' Mr. Narumi walked into the room, and started writing on the board, interrupting his train of thought. He quickly took this as a signal to put on the headphones.

_Villain is defined as someone who does something horrible or 'evil' deliberately. Did you know that?_

_So the obvious evil villain in Mikan's life story would be the Elementary School Principal. He's a freak who makes people do things they don't want to, and ruins people's lives. A classic villain. _

_Well, what do you know? I guess it really is a small world. So small, that even Mikan and I can share the same person as a villain. _

_Principal Kuonji. _

_I'm sure everyone will believe it if I said that I stopped inventing because of Subaru. But I know, and you know, that I didn't actually stop inventing then. Inventing was practically a part of me; it was something I was made to do. If I had any kind of purpose, it was inventing. After all, what was I without it?_

_So I still invented. More frequently, as I lost almost all of the hope I had within me. There were people that could help me from my position, and yet they didn't. _

_And then you came knocking to my door. _

_Already, I hated who you were. For ruining Mikan's life, for trying to completely efface right in this world. So naturally, when you asked me to invent for you, I declined. I didn't even know why you were asking me to invent something for you. After all, the principal should be able to do anything and everything he wants to, right? _

_When I declined, though, as I knew it wasn't a good idea. You were angry, I could tell by your face, and when you excused yourself out of my dorm room, your eyes glared me down. _

_Of course, that visit happened before the violations. The kids at school started touching me inappropriately, and I could safely say that the dorm was the only place I felt safe. _

_After those, I just couldn't be bothered to stay at school anymore. I realized that the only way to avoid getting hurt at that school was to not attend it at all. The less and less I went to school, I'm sure the more people forgot about me. I was so replaceable that I knew it wouldn't be such a big deal._

_A couple of weeks after absolutely no attendance from school, you came knocking on my door again._

_I reluctantly opened the door, and there you stood. I knew at that moment, that whatever was going through your head was not a good thing. _

_You walked into the room, without any kind of introduction and took a seat in my chair. _

'_I hear you haven't been going to school lately,' you said, gesturing me to make you some tea, 'why is that?' _

_I didn't want to tell someone like you the truth, and I realized that if I did, you might use it against my will. So, I replied:_

'_I've been sick, sir. I needed some time to think things through.' You looked awfully disturbed when I said those few words, and you quickly replied back to me. _

'_Well, you have to consider your attendance record. There's a required amount of attendance before the student is allowed to graduate,' you continued, 'and you have an insufficient amount. Therefore…' _

'_I won't be able to graduate?' _

'_Exactly.' _

_I don't know what it was; that one word made me so scared. I didn't want to spend another moment in that horrible place, the school that made my life completely shatter before my eyes. To know that I might not have any chance to start over, and that making the school a distant memory was out of the question, I fell to my knees. _

'_What can I do to make up for the lost days?' I was almost begging, on the floor and on the verge of tears. _

Out of all of the people in the world, Ruka knew that Principal Kuonji was not to be trusted. Was Hotaru that desperate? Did she really hate school that much?

'_Well, there's always that offer I gave you.' You smiled. When you realized that I didn't answer, you continued: 'Then, you will never have to show your face in that wretched hallway again. Remember, it's just one simple invention.' _

_I didn't know what I was thinking, but the next thing I knew, I was nodding my head in agreement. I'm sure you knew that there was a slight confusion present in my face, so you cleared up any misunderstandings. _

'_It's a ray gun, Hotaru. Maybe to help win wars. It'll be sold to the army for their battles. Of course, none of that money goes to you.' _

_I understood. I knew very well that you were just going to use the money for your own personal gain, and that the ray gun would probably be sold for three times the original price. Still, I gave in to your request and started inventing. _

_By the time I was done, you didn't say a word. You just took out your hand, and asked for the ray gun. So I placed it carefully in your palm, and I looked at you. You looked content with yourself, and you went close to my ear. _

_Then, you whispered words to me that I would never forget: _

'_Great. Now you're one of us.' _

_I was so curious, and wanted so badly to understand what you meant by that. So, after a month's interval, I walked out of my dorm room off into the world. _

_The moment I stepped out, I saw you carrying the ray gun on your own._

_Where were the army men? Why weren't they coming? Why did you have the gun? Different questions swam within my head as I watched you walk up to a man with a black suit. Unfortunately, I knew who that man was. _

_Shiki Masachika, the new middle school principal. _

'_What are you doing?' Was all I could hear from Shiki's side. _

There was a long pause. Ruka stopped, thinking that the headphones were finally broken, but hearing a little more carefully, he heard her breathing heavily on the other side. Finally, she continued:

_I screamed out his name, in hope that he would hear me. I told him to leave, run away, as soon as possible. _

_But it was too late. You shot as soon as you heard me screaming. _

_By the time I came running, Shiki was already on the floor, and you were gone. _

_I mustered all of my strength to walk up to you, Kuonji. _

'_Monster!' I screamed out at you at the top of my lungs. 'You-you'll take responsibility for this!' _

_But all you did was smile back at me and wave at me with the ray gun as if I was some sort of joke. You even dared to have the courage to open your mouth to speak:_

'_Well, it's not really my fault, is it? Who made this invention, Hotaru? Was it not you?' And you walked away from me without letting me have another word. _

_I sat down right next to Shiki and tried to pick him up with all of the strength that my body could offer. I brought him to the nearby hospital, which happened to be where my brother was working. _

_I walked with him all the way into the Emergency Room, and I wished for his waking up. Suddenly, my heart weighed a ton, and tears uncontrollably rolled down my cheeks. _

_The nurses and doctors all looked up at me, and stared in astonishment. _

'_That girl could do something like this to that boy?' 'Is it even possible to hurt someone so much?' 'But their size differences are so big!' _

'_I didn't do it.' I spoke out, looking down at the floor, 'I didn't do it.' _

_I don't know who I was trying to convince. But somewhere, deep in my heart, I felt a strong hatred for myself. I had hurt someone all because I wanted to cover up my mistakes. _

_A villain was a person who does evil intentionally. Using everything for their own personal use, instead of thinking of how others will be affected by it. _

_So, before I knew it, I realized that I had become a villain. _

_I paid Shiki's medical bills, and left the hospital. I knew that even if Shiki woke up, he wouldn't want to see me. Just like no one would. _

_See, Kuonji, you provoked me, and made me realize what kind of a cruel person I truly was, and you made me hate myself because of it. You made me a murderer, ashamed to show my face to the public. _

_It was announced the next day that he indeed didn't wake up. _

_From that day on, every time I looked at my hands, I could only see the blood of someone else dripping slowly, staining my clothes for everyone to see forever. _

_And no matter how many times I tried to clean it out,_

_it wouldn't go away. _

The headphones clicked off as Ruka shut his eyes for a while. If he had stepped in, right at the very moment she was speaking, would she still be sitting there next to him? Would she still be here?

He felt a sudden wave of guilt run through his veins, and he looked up into the sky. Right now, all he could do was listen. Listen to the voice he missed out on; listen to the reasons why she did it.

Because he knew that he had something Hotaru Imai didn't.

He had hope.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I'm actually going to make the next chapter kind of a flashback and stuff in Ruka's point of view. XD Hehehe… Just to celebrate that we're more than halfway through the whole thing. Trust me, things are going to get really dark and intense from here.


	9. The Letter From The Mind Reader

**Disclaimer: **Gakuen Alice doesn't belong to me, and neither does the book Thirteen Reasons Why, which this is heavily based on. :P

**Author's Note:** Hey, I'm so sorry for not updating this for such a long time. Actually, I finished writing this chapter, but I didn't know whether I should put it up. Well, it's kinda like a break from the usual stuff, and instead a little letter written by our favourite mind reader on his perspective of the whole situation. XD Dedicated to KidTantei, who consistently reviewed all of the chapters (except chapter 2, *cough cough* Haha, just kidding) :D Thanks for your support. And to all of those who reviewed earlier, I love you guys SUPER DUPER much!

* * *

Hey,

They say that you're brain-dead. Which is true, because I can't hear your thoughts anymore. So I'm sure you can't hear me. But I want to try to leave this letter onto your hospital bed, so that if you ever wake up, you'll see it.

When your parents died, I watched as you yelled at everyone in the world when they tried to comfort you. I knew, though, that you were thinking that they were missing all along, and just didn't want to be pitied for such a small thing; I knew that, and yet I didn't stop them from spreading rumors about you.

Through the days, I watched you get hurt by the others, Sumire bully you.

I wanted to consult her about it; I wanted to help you out of the situation that you were in. So I did try to talk to her about it for a while. But it was always brushed away like it didn't even matter. I don't know what even came over her; it was like she wasn't even the same person anymore.

So I asked her, 'Do you feel pleasure in seeing her alone?'

She didn't reply right away. She just stood there, wide-eyed, and looked me straight in the eye. 'Didn't you laugh when she was there alone, too?'

God, I wish I could sugar-coat this letter and tell you that I didn't laugh. But I want to be honest with you. So yes, I did laugh when she put the cockroaches into your lunchbox. Maybe it was that side of me that wanted to be accepted by Sumire, or whatever, but I know it's not right. And I really want you to know I'm sorry.

Do you remember our last conversation together? It was when I sensed slightly that you had no more faith left inside yourself, that you might actually cross the edge. I was really worried.

I asked you, 'What's up?' To relieve the tension that was in the air. You were staring up in the sky, on a swing. From your red eyes, and your pink nose, I could tell that you were crying.

'Nothing. Life.' Was how you responded, and I was frightened that you didn't know what you were talking about anymore. Literally, my mind was thinking that you had gone insane.

I sighed, 'Maybe you need someone to talk to?' I tried to make it so that I implied you should talk to me, but I guess you didn't take the hint… because the next thing you said was something like,

'Yeah, maybe. An adult would know what I should do, right? They should listen.' I wasn't really prepared to hear that from you, so I nodded profusely. After a long silence, I started to leave the park.

'Hey Koko.' You called for me.

'I forgive you.' You smiled, and you didn't tell me why you forgave me, or what reason I was sorry for. You just smiled. 'Don't let pity get into your head, okay? It's your life.'

I was honestly a bit confused. I wasn't ever good a solving puzzles, so I didn't really care for the deeper meaning in anything. I just thought you were being too nice.

And then you remember what you said next, don't you? Those words made me feel so scared; they were so bittersweet. You wore your crooked smile perfectly,

'Don't let it happen again.' to which I nodded. And with that, you left. Left me all alone in the park, to figure out what the heck you meant.

But I want you to know one thing before I'm done:

I finally get it now, Hotaru.

You forgave me because you knew that I watched you through this entire time. You knew that I felt guilty for not helping you through all of the horrible times. And you probably knew that I lay awake every night thinking about how I did you wrong.

So you wanted me to be free.

And I want to thank you, thank you so much. I made that promise to you, and it makes me a better person. Because of you, I understand what I could've done to help people; because of you, I know that other people would never get hurt again.

Because of you, the girl at the back of the room will never be ignored.

I want you to know right now, that you are a hero. A hero to potential victims.

And I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Sincerely,

Koko

* * *

**Author's Note**: Sorry about OOC ness, which is something that I seriously need to work on. :P Hope I am forgiven…?

YAY! We're half-way done with this thing! And I totally have it all figured out. XD For once.


	10. The Playboy

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Gakuen Alice or Thirteen Reasons Why.

**Dedication:** To KidTantei (of course XD), Saltwater Romance, daa3fan, mikan12345, Dreaming Reverie, HearMeNow12345…. And everyone else who reviewed ANY of my stories! XD

* * *

Her black hair flowed through the wind. She looked so… beautiful, and yet so lifeless.

'Nogi.' She called, 'Hey, Nogi.'

As she touched his hand, he pulled away quickly, his body temperature unable to handle the frostiness of hers.

'What is it, Nogi?'

Small strings of blood started streaming down from her head.

Her words started to become indecipherable; her voice so soft he couldn't hear her anymore.

Suddenly, all was black. And in big, bold letters read:

_I'm not afraid anymore. _

_

* * *

_

4:37 am, Ruka read from his alarm clock beside his bed. He sighed out deeply, staring at the ceiling for something to motivate him to sleep.

Mikan, Natsume, Narumi, Principal Kuonji, Matsudaira, Shouda, Subaru. They were all in the list that she created, and she went for them one by one.

A sudden spark of inspiration entered his sleepless mind, and throughout the night, he pondered over the one question:

_What if I was in it?_

It was surely possible. Through the last few months of her life, he had played a big role. But still, he hadn't done anything at all to provoke her, much less make her do such a thing.

Soon, morning came, and he realized he hadn't gotten a single minute of sleep since the dream.

He picked up the headphones for his reminder for why he was awake the entire night. But a knock on the door stopped him.

'Ruka.' A familiar voice behind the door called, knocking furiously.

'Oh, hi Natsume. Why are you here, so early in the morning? It's only Saturday…' Ruka shifted his weight from side to side, drowsy from the all-nighter.

'Look, Ruka. I'm gonna say this quick and easy for you. I'm worried about your mental health.' Natsume breathed a lungful of air, and continued. 'Ever since… well, I think about last week, you've only been listening to those headphones. And look at you.'

'What?' Ruka cocked his head, genuinely confused as to why he was concerned. After all, it was just a week…

'Face it, Ruka. You look like shit.'

Ruka rolled his eyes and resisted the urge for him to forcibly make Natsume take that foul language back.

'Okay, okay. I promise to reduce my hours on the headphones. Happy?' Natsume nodded, slightly suspicious about what those headphones may have been about.

'Okay. But the next time I see you like this, I'm having a family intervention.'

Natsume let himself into the house, and got comfortable. Ruka, on the other hand, took the headphones and started making use of his Saturday morning, to which Natsume rolled his eyes.

Click.

_Okay. This'll be brief. I don't want to go rambling on and on about this certain fellow. _

_He's the kind of guy that could get anyone, anytime, anywhere. And people who know him either love him to bits, or hate his guts. _

_Akira Tonouchi. _

_Ah, you knew this would come, didn't you? After what you did? I mentally wrote you down on this list even before I knew I was going to make it. _

_First of all, you are, quite assertively, an asshole. You take advantage of girls without even thinking about their feelings, and you think you're the king of the world. I'm sure you knew that I hated who you were. _

_Which is why you were probably surprised when those rumors about me liking you rose up. And that slumber party… _

_But anyways. It was over and done with. I had completely ruined my friendship, reputation, dignity all in one blow. Not your fault, by the way. I take complete responsibility. _

_I just wished some day that someone would love me. Not for the 'slut' I was known to be at school, not the ice-cold inventor who doesn't understand how we feel, but as Hotaru Imai. _

_Then, after Shiki's hospitalization, as if on a cue, you asked me out. _

'_Hey,' You asked me, smiling, 'are you okay?' _

_God. I wouldn't have said yes at all if I was the person I was in the beginning of this whole thing. I really wouldn't. But you asked me if I was okay, and I really wasn't. _

_And at that moment, I realized that you were the only one in the world who noticed._

_So I put it on myself by saying yes, and letting you take me out to a small little dinner. And time and time again, I repeated to myself, 'it's nothing formal, or even remotely serious. Just a casual date.' _

_With that encouragement, I went. _

_You were there, waiting for me. Smiling, as usual. We ate dinner, like normal people do, and I actually enjoyed talking to you. It was me being human, for the first time in a long time. _

_Well, I don't really know what went wrong in that dinner. _

Oh no. Ruka sensed the deep sarcasm in her voice, knowing her for so long. He knew that she was about to reveal something terrible.

_Really, I don't. I would've stayed with you all night if I could, just talking. _

_Maybe it was the part when you forcibly pushed me into your car, or when you tried to kiss me that I thought I never wanted to see you again. _

'_What's the problem?' you asked me, 'I heard you do this with every other guy. And you like me, remember? I saw you at the party.' _

_I suppose I knew I didn't want to see you again when I didn't reply that moment. Because the next thing you did was so… degrading, undignified. _

_Swiftly, you took out your wallet, and asked me: _

'_How much do one of you cost, anyways?' _

_I stared back at you, dumbfounded, and slapped you across the face. _

_You're on this list because you thought you could buy my time, my love. And I thought…. Well, it was sheer stupidity, but I thought that you were going to be a different guy around me. _

_The thought still makes my blood boil. _

_Very nice, Tonouchi. _

_You really are the best. _

Ruka stared at the headphones, after taking them off. For a strange reason, he wasn't surprised why Tono was in this list. But he certainly didn't expect Hotaru Imai to be one of his conquests.

Things _could_ only get worse. Knowing that she didn't want to do this during that time she met Tono, Ruka knew that there was going to be something far worse happening, that pushed her off the edge.

Natsume looked at him, confused. 'What's up, Ruka?'

'Nothing.' Ruka quickly answered, and changed his mind. 'Do you think Tono is still going out with plenty of women at a time?'

Natsume shrugged, 'I heard he's taking a break from that for a while.'

Because of Hotaru? Ruka hoped so.

'Ruka, what's the song you're so obsessed about?' Natsume asked finally, 'I wanna critique it.'

Ruka picked up the headphones, and passed it onto him mindlessly, only realizing last second that Hotaru's voice was in it.

Natsume put the headphones onto his head, and stood for a while, surprised.

Finally, he spoke:

'What the hell, Ruka. I can't hear anything.'

* * *

**Author's Note:** Did you get the last part? Hehehe.. tried to make it discreet for all of you. XD BTW, sorry for the OOC ness, and also really sorry for being well… stupid.

Also, I had, in mind, two endings for this story. The sad, and the happy. I'd love it if you guys could tell me which one you would like to see happen here! XD


	11. The Good Girl

**Disclaimer:** Same as the last ten chapters. ;)

**Author's Note**: This is dedicated to all of you guys, because you rock.

* * *

Ruka stared, dumbfounded.

'You really can't hear anything?' Natsume shook his head.

Silent for a while, Ruka looked around, worried about whether his best friend was lying. Then, breaking the silence, Natsume spoke:

'Oh, I see why.' Natsume scoffed, 'You forgot to plug it in…'

But it shouldn't matter. Should it? Ruka thought to himself for a while, drawing the conclusion that perhaps Hotaru left the headphones.

'Can I use it?' Ruka asked, pulling his hand out to Natsume, nervously. Natsume, oblivious to the current situation, handed over the headphones to Ruka swiftly.

Ruka, slightly worried himself, put them on slowly, as if building the anticipation.

'Can you hear anything?'

_Are you still there? I still have a couple of more people to get through, but if I'm losing you, don't worry, because I'm almost done._

He quickly took them off of his head, frightened to hear her voice so calm. He looked over at Natsume, who was waiting for a reply from him.

'Yeah, I can't hear anything.' Ruka lied, and tried to smile convincingly to Natsume while doing so.

Natsume, unaware of this, shrugged and pulled out a manga from his backpack to read. Ruka was slightly relieved, but not enough to stop him from wondering why in the world he was the only one to hear her.

Perhaps he was crazy. Yes, that certainly could be it. After all, he was a bit shaken after the crash. Perhaps he's just imagining the whole thing.

He shook his head relentlessly, assuring himself that he was insane. He glanced at Natsume, who had fallen asleep under his book.

Ruka took this as an opportunity, to finish hearing the things Hotaru had to say.

_There's always got to be a person out there who is known to be 'bad'. Or, at least, socially labelled as such. _

_Now, I absolutely abhor the idea of social labelling. I'm sure a lot of people do. But we can't really argue against the fact that we act upon this label. _

_If a girl is good, or labelled good, then we know to trust her. _

_It's a naive thought. We're all human, aren't we? So people who are good people can mess up sometimes, and become bad people. _

_Now, you, Nobara Ibaragi, were always known as the good kid. The one who always did what was told. And for the most part, you were. _

_You probably don't know why you're here on this list, right? You're probably thinking, 'I can't possibly have done something bad.' _

_Well, here it goes. _

_After, well, Tono's incident, I had completely broken down. I tried my best to sweep away the memory, and make sure that I was never reminded of that night. Already I had felt like crap, and I didn't really have anything to help me. _

_Little did I know that during Tono's little scene with me, someone behind was watching. That someone was you, wasn't it? _

_You walked up to me, with all of the best intentions, the next morning at school. You asked to talk to me personally, so I let you. _

'_I know what you went through yesterday.' You told me, so bluntly that I was, honestly, quite surprised. _

_I tried to hide it from you, 'What are you talking about?' _

_You leaned in closer at that moment, and you told me, 'If you need anyone to help you, or anything like that, I'm here.' _

_I couldn't believe that someone was really telling me that, and I immediately thought that you were set up by somebody to do that. That somebody from our school was using this to make a fool out of me. _

_I was appalled, but still wanted to settle the issue domestically. _

'_I don't need your help.' I told you, 'Thank you, but no. I'm alright. And quite frankly, I don't need you.' _

_You were obviously upset by those words. After all, who wouldn't feel horrible when somebody rejects your help? _

_A few weeks later, we were studying self-esteem and confidence in our health classes. The teacher had told us to write our names individually on our own pieces of paper, pass it around, and get people to list a bunch of compliments about you there. It was a classic teaching method, and I believed it to be a good pass of time. _

_I was actually… excited. I wanted to know what people had to say about me. In fact, I felt as though I _needed_ what they had to say. Some stupid part of my mind believed that this would actually make me feel better, and boost my self-esteem. _

_But guess what? _

_On the day that we were meant to have it returned to us, the teacher turned to me, and spoke: _

'_Sorry Hotaru, we seem to have lost yours. We really tried to look for it, but it's really gone.'_

_I didn't complain. After all, that would prove to be a feeble attempt to regain confidence that I didn't want to admit I had lost. I didn't want others to think I was weak, and encourage them to take advantage of me. So I kept quiet and just nodded._

_Later that day, I saw you. And what do you know? You've got the list of compliments for me, right under your sleeve. _

_It really was shocking to me, that you would do something like that. I even expected more from you. Yet, you did, and no matter how many times I tried to blink, the image didn't disappear from my view. I didn't even confront you about it. _

_I can't blame you for acting on your anger. I'll admit that I was a bit harsh to you._

_But then again, you can't blame me for putting your name on this list. _

_You're here because you took the one thing that could've helped me out of this pain, and stole it. Whether the comments written on that list were to be good or bad, I knew there must've been at least one person who wrote something positive about me. And it pains me to know that I will never read it. _

_I guess I could never know what was on that list. _

_But from what I know now, I guess I don't really want to know. _

He remembered the real list written on the paper, quite clearly:

'Over confident.

A bitch.

She's such a little slut! LOL.

She thinks she's so smart, but she's not.

A liar. :D

An emotionless freak who doesn't understand anyone around her

I regret meeting her...'

Reminiscing, Ruka concluded that it was better that Nobara took that list from her.

He remembered how he didn't have enough guts to be the first to write something good about her on that list.

Suddenly, his heart took over, and he found himself brought in front of his desk against his own will. His hands grasped a pen, and scribbled:

_Hotaru Imai:_

_Her raven hair, her amethyst eyes, her ruby lips all make her look like a goddess in my eyes. In my eyes, she cannot be compared to the sun, the moon and the stars combined. _

_Hotaru's a genius, who was misunderstood by people surrounding her. _

_I will never regret meeting Hotaru, nor will I regret seeing her for the first time. _

_The only regret that I have _

_Is that I didn't save her. _

_-Ruka Nogi_.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Thanks for reading this awfully stupid chapter. :O I can't believe I finished it, though. I'm so sorry for the OOC ness; please do forgive me!

Oh by the way, don't forget to answer my poll which is about whether this story will have a sad ending or a happy ending. :) The future of this story is up to you guys! XD


	12. The Girl From The Moon

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything from Gakuen Alice here. XD

**Author's Note:** This is dedicated to everyone who read this story, ever. You guys are so super awesome, and I love everyone who sent me feedback by either reviewing or favorite-ing my story. It really means a lot to me. :)

**Warning!** I am so bad at staying in character. :P

* * *

'What did you write?' The raven-haired boy raised an eyebrow, looking directly to Ruka Nogi's direction.

'Oh,' He chuckled, 'Nothing. I'm just writing a reminder to bring these headphones somewhere where they can fix it.'

Natsume, strangely curious, walked up to him:

'Come to think of it, I've never seen those headphones before. Can I take a look at them?'

Ruka nodded profusely, before placing himself firmly on a chair and in the process, hiding the slip of paper. Natsume, walking straight towards him, found himself a comfortable spot above the chair of which Ruka was seated, and looked down to observe the headphones.

Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks.

'Isn't this-' He started, and stopped himself before he dared to mention her name.

'Yeah.' Ruka quickly nodded, nervously laughing.

'Weird that you have it.'

'Yeah, weird.'

Both of them left the conversation untouched, which resulted in their playing of Wii Sports to relieve the tension in the atmosphere.

When Ruka coincidentally won a game of tennis, Natsume and his temper destroyed the remote, and he was escorted out of the household, though apologizing abundantly.

Finally, he had some time of his own. Therefore, there was only one thing he should do.

*click*

_Every time one sleeps at night, isn't it beautiful to just look at the moon?_

_The moon is the Earth's only natural satellite; gravity on the moon is one sixth of Earth's. But although it's definitely weaker than Earth's gravity, it's still there. So if one threw a ball up in the air, it just takes a longer time before it falls back down. _

_The moon also has no atmosphere. Therefore, there's no protection from heat or cold, and even in the daytime, it is always dark. _

_The moon follows you home every night, despite where you are, or what your destination is.  
_

_Well, Luna Koizumi, you fit all of these things perfectly. It's no wonder why you were named as such. _

_It was around the time that I was already fed up with the world, that you came into my life. I had believed that no one had anything good to say about me. So what to do? _

_Of course, it was to keep the cool and indifferent exterior that I was so familiar with. It was the only obvious solution to desensitize myself from my surroundings. _

_For the time being, it worked, because it seemed as though I could work without the help of anyone but myself. Despite how much I abhorred being alone, naturally it came and I was alone once again. Good point about that, however? People stopped talking about me, and slowly the riot caused by all of the people earlier ceased to exist._

_Normally, this would be the end of my story. If I was lucky, perhaps it would've ended right there and refused me the burden of more things to come. But I was never a lucky person. _

_So I guess I should've expected that someone would create an account for me in a social networking site. When I heard of it, I shrugged it off as a feeble attempt to ruin my life. I was knowledgeable, and understood that Facebook was a site only for those who have friends. Obviously, I didn't qualify. _

_One day, I found myself in the hallways of the school that I dreaded so. And what do you know? They're glaring at me, once again, although I didn't remember doing anything particularly scandalous._

_By the time I got home, people found me, and had left me a little surprise; all of my inventions were gone, and the blueprints were slashed. I asked for a dorm change, but the teachers, obviously upset with me about something, refused to grant me that wish. _

_Guess what, Koizumi? Apparently, someone had used this account to write inappropriate things to other people. _

_I found it, and read it. It insulted the teachers, the students, my former friends. And topped it all off with a little bit of desperation and seduction wrapped into it. Isn't that special? _

_The next day, I went to school with my head facing down, avoiding direct eye contact with others. Then, in IT class, I saw you, updating something next to me. It read 'Facebook' and suddenly, my eye caught a small name, on the top left-hand corner. _

_It was mine. _

_Before I could accuse you, class was over, and I couldn't find you in the dispersed crowd. _

_I suppose I should've gone after you. It would've been so much smarter to do that. And I truly do regret not revealing your true colors to the whole world. But at the time, I didn't know what to do, so all I did was run to the park, where no one would know I would be. _

_I forcefully shut down the site, using an invention I created, hoping to clean up the trail of my digital footprint that I left behind. Yet, the effects lasted for what seemed like a millennium. _

_Luna Koizumi. _

_This is for you, who spread rumors about me,_

_You, who stole from me my solace, and turned it into my aggravation._

_And maybe for the side of you, if it's even there to begin with, that felt guilty. _

Ruka shook his head after removing the headphones, and remembered the things that Luna Koizumi had written on the Facebook page. She had revealed everything to the whole world, writing horrible things about him and the community that she lived in.

'Ruka Nogi – Such a gay.' He recalled, and remembered being completely frustrated by that comment, vowing never to speak to her again.

However, he also remembered that Luna Koizumi had admitted to this crime, hours after Hotaru's car crash. Perhaps it was the guilt that she felt that pushed her to do this. Or was it the justice within her? He didn't know, and the thought sent shivers down his spine.

Impulsively, he ran over to the hospital, hands gripping the headphones tightly, and to her hospital room where she laid immobile. He kissed her on the cheek, enduring her coldness.

He retreated onto the seat next to her, and held her hand.

He whispered, 'I wish you had given life a chance.'

And there he sat, for hours, chanting those words occasionally, until his mind finally gave in and dreamt.

* * *

**Author's Note:** FINALLY! I finished it. I wanted to show this picture of Luna where she wasn't a total freak. Instead, she is quite a complex character who actually has a view of justice.

By the way, I realize that there aren't many people who took the poll that I posted, and that's totally fine. The happy ending seemed to get a lot of votes, but I think to satisfy _everyone_, I will show the sad ending first, and then the happy. Thanks for all of your support! XD


	13. The Boy Without Dignity

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gakuen Alice, or Avril Lavigne's song I'm With You nor do I own Thirteen Reasons Why or the idea of headphones. :D Man, I don't own anything…

**Author's Note:** This is probably the most emotional chapter of anything that I've ever written in my entire life. :O And most intense. Sorry for the OOC ness, and please forgive me for the low quality of this work…. -_- The song is Avril Lavigne's I'm With You, and I put it specifically because I figured that some musical imagery would work. And, the song is kinda about suicide. –ish? :P

Dedicated to? All of you, because I love all of you. And the anonymous reviewers who seemed not to log on? I'd love to PM you, if only you'd create an account! XD

This chapter's in Ruka's point of view, and from now on, I think I'll be sticking to his point of view. Well, because... you know. It's easier. :P

* * *

Listening to some music coming from a television set, my mind drifted to a small world of which was so familiar, yet so far away.

_I'm standing on the bridge_

_I'm waiting in the dark_

_I thought that you'd be here_

_By now. _

The music kept drifting and drifting in, until my subconscious had effectively taken complete control of my body.

I dreamt of that snowy winter day.

Perhaps I only recalled the enormity of the situation, that this was the time I was to help her; her life's path collided with mine just as I had wished secretly within myself for so long.

That day my pet rabbit ran away from home. Naturally, I went out to look for him. Maybe some could call it fate, or dumb luck, but she had within her arms my pet rabbit. And I found it as an opportunity to talk to her, after not having that chance for so long.

As far as I was concerned, at that moment, she was the only thing that I could ever see in the world. The beauty that was wrapped in that girl was overwhelming for me.

She looked up at me, and looked back down again. She lightly swung back and forth on that lonely swing and carefully petted the rabbit. He seemed comfortable around her, and I was just relieved that she didn't turn him into soup.

'Hey Imai.' I started, which was followed by a long silence from her.

'Oh, Nogi.' She finally broke the silence, 'I found your rabbit. I didn't rabbit-nap him, if that's what everyone's been telling you.'

I couldn't help but laugh then, because I thought it was a joke of hers. Little did I know that she was actually serious.

'Of course I wouldn't think that, Imai.'

She looked up at me, and quickly evaded from my sight, carrying my bunny gently and handing him over.

'I'm glad that you found him. Thanks.' was all I said, followed by a smile.

At that same second, she looked right into my eyes, fearless. She stopped swinging. I found myself lost in that moment, and lost in the sea of Hotaru Imai that I couldn't seem to figure out.

But as I looked closer to her face, I realized that slowly tears were creeping up, waiting to escape. Being the strong person that she was, she dared not to let it show, and held the bitterness all inside of her.

'It's okay, Imai.' I assured her, 'Let it all out.'

She responded with a profuse shake of her head. However, contrary to her words, the tears kept dripping and dripping, until she was unable to stop them.

She calmed down, eyes glued to the floor, and in her soft voice, she whispered words to herself into the cool winter air.

'Don't you know who I am? I'm Hotaru Imai, the skank who allows people to sleep with her whenever she wants. I'm that girl who ate her parents for breakfast. I'm the one with no heart.'

'I don't believe what they say about you. Those are just stupid rumors.' I replied, confident that what I said was true.

She was silent for a while, and looked up into the sky.

'Imai is Imai. That's all there is to it. Whatever you become is based on you, not what other people think of you.' I managed to say, 'Right?'

'What if I can't like myself?' she asked, surely wanting to know how to fill that lack of self confidence.

'What's not to like about you?' I smiled at her, as genuine as I could make it. 'I think you're great.'

'How would you know?' She simply snapped as she managed to stop herself from overflowing with tears, 'You've never experienced being shunned, being so alone. You're _Nogi_, the hotshot. I'm all alone, and no one will protect me.'

She looked away from me to avoid eye contact.

Suddenly, at that moment, there was no rabbit in between us, no other people in the park. It was just her, and me. It was so… simple. And I, as an attempt to affirm the small simplicity around us, wrapped my arms around her.

Her hands were cold, and I felt them press against my chest, making a feeble attempt to push me away.

'I'll protect you from them', I whispered to her, 'I promise.'

With that, she let herself weep softly in my arms.

What a warm winter day it was, perhaps the warmest I had ever encountered. My heart was beating like a drummer out of rhythm, and I flushed furiously. Yet, I still didn't understand why on Earth she left. Had I not been enough to take her pain?

I woke up quickly to my heartbeat racing, and looked up to her sleeping face. The music played rather loudly now.

_Rather, had I been the one to cause her pain?_

It was a sudden realization that hit me like a car crash.

If I hurt her, for whatever reason, I wished that I had the chance to apologize.

But even a simple wish such as that couldn't be granted.

And all I had to do, all I _could_ do to reach her was to listen to those headphones.

With that in mind, I closed my eyes, put the headphones on and waited for the worst to come.

_*click*_

As I listened to the headphones carefully, I could hear her on the other side, breathing heavily. Suddenly, it stopped. Due to the quietness of her side of the transmission, faintly, I could hear the music playing in the hospital room:

_It's a damn cold night_

_Trying to figure out this life_

_Won't you take me by the hand _

_Take me somewhere new _

_I don't know who you are but I_

_I'm with you_

I stopped for a second. Finally, I heard her speak.

_The next person would probably be the most difficult to talk about. Well, at least, most difficult to explain. _

_First off, he's a man. Of great variety, that's for sure. Not of originality, however. _

_After the incident with the social networking site had occurred, I didn't know what to do. As a desperate attempt to escape solitude, I ran to the park, and sat on a swing. _

_There, I found a rabbit. _

_Belonging to whom, you might ask? Ruka Nogi. The top of the food chain, and someone whom I've known for such a long time. He, obviously looking for his pet, found me. _

_I'll skip all of the details about that incident. To be precise, I broke down to him and showed him a side of me that I decided not to regard a long time ago. And to my surprise, he had accepted that side, and embraced me. _

_It was the first time I had ever felt protected, and secure. In fact, I never wanted to leave his arms; they were a symbol of solace and home for me. _

_But the time came when we parted, and he assured me that tomorrow would be a new day of my transformed self, one of which was happy. _

_And with that assurance, I allowed myself to go home. _

_That night, there was a knock on the door. It was so late, and already half-asleep, I dragged myself to open it. _

_And there you were._

'_Oh, hi Nogi.' I spoke to you, remember? But those were the only few words you let leave my mouth. Before I knew it, you had let yourself into the room and forcibly pushed me into it as well. _

_I knew that I could fight back, with an invention, but you pointed a gun at my chest. _

_From then on, I don't quite remember what happened. _

_That's actually quite a lie. But if I repeated the memory out loud, as clearly as I could see it in my nightmares, surely all innocence in the world would disappear. _

She was silent for a while, and I was dumbfounded.

_You forced your mouth onto mine, pressed me down against the bed. And… well…. Took everything from me. All of the dignity, all of the life. And just like that, left me to die. _

Oh, no. Please don't… This couldn't be happening. That wasn't me.

_I recall you telling me, 'You asked for it' 'You wanted it'. _

_Funny, because I always thought my first time would be special. But it was quick and snappy, and I was alone once again, with the cracked image of myself entering a state of shatter. Relentlessly, from the corner of my eye, a teardrop hit my sheets. _

_I came to the conclusion that it was my fault that I was alone. After all, if I had protected myself, I would still have my dignity. If I had enough strength to protect myself, I wouldn't have to feel so worthless. _

_And that was when I realized it. You weren't Ruka Nogi, were you? Because Ruka Nogi had decided to protect me. Ruka Nogi always made me feel better. You couldn't possibly have been him. _

So who was it, Hotaru?

_That is how I knew it was you, Hijiri Goshima. The boy with the shape-shifting alice. _

_I don't know what to say about you, Goshima, but if there was anything I had to say, it would probably be that you are the most responsible for my death. All of this would be because of you. _

_So congratulations. You, in one single night, stole the last few drops of self-acceptance I had. _

_I guess I'll see you in hell. _

_*click*_

I was infuriated. I wanted so badly to kill Goshima, and give him what he deserved. But I knew that she didn't finish what she wanted to say.

After all, there were two more people left. Then, from the headphones:

_Don't leave, Nogi. Please just let me speak. I'm almost done. _

What? And for a second, I was afraid that I was going insane.

Had she just talked to me? Did she know that I was her audience the entire time?

Then, I concluded I really was insane.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Yes, Ruka does seem awfully calm, doesn't he? Especially after all he's heard? XD Anyways, Goshima is the traitor in GA, which is why I decided to use him as an example of pure evil. :D

Only two more people to go! XD And from this point onwards, I promise to write longer…? But anyways, sorry for the entire chapter. But more emotions coming up. :)


	14. The Man Who Didn't Listen

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gakuen Alice, or Thirteen Reasons Why. :D

**Author's Note:** Almost the last person! The next person is the last :O

This is dedicated to anyone who reads this fic, because it means a lot to me that you're still reading it, despite its inconsistencies and OOC ness.

I really hope you enjoy it! \(^O^)/

* * *

A nurse walked into the room, her footsteps pleading innocently not to interrupt me in my moment of despair.

'Mr. Nogi, visiting hours are over.' She quickly stated, trying hopelessly not to get scolded by me.

'I'll be out soon, I swear.' I smiled at her, and she seemed to accept the gesture.

I looked up at Hotaru's sleeping face, the little crevice on her façade as an unaffected Ice Queen. Seeing how peaceful she was, I was confused.

Is this really what you yearned for? Nonetheless, I didn't understand a single thing about her, and wouldn't, unless I finished hearing all she had to say.

And so, holding onto her cold hands, I put on the headphones.

_You see, I've always been one to pass tests. Especially ones that were graded._

_It was quite easy. Frequently in tests, questions are expected, and answers are easily found._

_Subsequent to the pleasant night with Goshima followed a period of complete and utter horror._

_Every night, I would feel dizzy and feel a __loss of appetite__. To nourish my stomach, I shoved food down my throat, only for it to be regurgitated the next day. One night, as an attempt to diagnose my symptoms, I took a test._

_The first test that I wished I could pass so desperately that, although not a religious person, I put my head down to pray. It was also the first test that I failed._

_F for 'fertilized'._

_And unlike any of the tests I had taken before, the easy answer escaped my vision, and blinded me, leaving me in a state of shock._

_And that's where you come in. _

_Remember when I said that Mr. Narumi would be the only name called twice on this list? Well, take the blame twice over, Narumi, because it's your time once again._

_I didn't want to keep the kid. That was the downright truth about it, really. All it did was remind me how terrible my life really was, and what a weakling I became. It was a symbol of my pain and suffering._

_Therefore, naturally I wanted to get rid of it. In any way possible. But before doing so, a silly __Hotaru Imai__ thought it was logical to ask for a teacher's opinion on the topic._

_So I went to your office one day in order to discuss the matter. And you welcomed me to sit down, despite feeling awfully uncomfortable with the situation._

_'Mr. Narumi,' I started hesitantly, while the horrid truth hid behind my tongue._

_My tongue, despite my orders, shed its skin and decided to claim its own life, so easily blurting out two words capable of tearing me apart, having the ability to force your mouth open._

_'I'm pregnant.' _

_Moments later, my eyes were fixed to yours as you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. Soon you stared, right back at me, and a sudden realization hit me._

_With your gaping mouth and surprised pupils, I knew the look on my teacher's face was the same of those who laughed at me, those who isolated me. _

_You believed them. And although you probably don't want to admit it now, but you also thought that I was a slut who imposed this on myself. _

_I couldn't get rid of the words that Goshima whispered to me as he forced me down. _

'_You asked for it.' _

_I shrugged off the meticulous image of the loss of my innocence, desensitizing myself from the pain that I felt._

_'I don't know what to say...' you told me, possibly doubtful of my information. _

_Perhaps I should have stood there silent. Yet, once again, the truth provoked my self-control, pressuring me to let loose. Alas, the truth had won._

'_Mr. Narumi. Please listen to me,' It was a desperate attempt to tape the pieces of my broken life back together. 'I was forced to create this new life without my consent. A few weeks back, I…' _

_I realized then, how truly hard it was to define being used. How truly difficult it was to claim defeat and weakness. _

_After an excruciating long period of silence, you smiled and started laughing. I hadn't a clue what was funny, and took it as offense. _

_You spoke up, 'Oh, Hotaru. I'm sure it's just another one of your jokes. It'll pass.' You smiled, as if you finally found the words to say to me. 'I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding and that you're going to be completely fine.' _

_I nodded, for what else could I have done? _

_The way you stood silent momentarily; the way you told me to stop joking with you; the way you didn't believe my pain. _

_It was all too unreal for me to intake._

_At that moment, I knew I had no one left on my side. I was a lonely, desperate girl, who had no choice but to leave the world._

_But even so, I didn't care. Long ago, I had forgotten the idea of being loved, or being cared for. _

_You were a teacher. Yet, you didn't try to help me in my position. _

_And I couldn't stop thinking about how if Mikan was hurt, if anyone else had been hurt, no one would help. I couldn't take the guilt that ran through my veins knowing that someday, someone will go through the same thing as I did, and not have the power to face the world anymore. _

_It almost dawned to me at that moment, that although I kept telling myself that I was strong enough to handle it, I wasn't going to be able to make it through without support. The support of my family, the support of my friends, the support of my teachers. _

_Those words you gave were a confirmation of my loneliness. I knew that death was the only way to open eyes, to realize that they were wrong, or to realize that they should've stood up._

_With those words, you helped me decide to do what I did._

_With those words, you pushed me to death. _

I buried myself in those words she offered me. I could see myself, in a sea full of confusion that I couldn't swim out of.

The silence was deafening; the erosion of my tolerance of listening to her enlarged.

Suppose that she was alive now. What would happen? She would most probably yell at someone for what they did, telling those who did her wrong how disappointed she was that someone had to die in order for them to change.

_Put the headphones on me, Nogi. Put it on._

I stopped once again, with no real understanding of how my mentality worked. Did that sound just come from the headphones?

Had Hotaru once again talked to me?

An obedient boy, I had no choice but to comply with her orders, and with one of her hands still grabbed tightly, I placed the headphones on her lifeless head.

Suddenly, I saw something, that stopped me from understanding the world altogether. So small, and so insignificant to others, that many would've scoffed at my revelation.

On her right cheek, almost electrified through the connection with the headphones, was a twitch. And in my hand, for a millisecond, her tiny hand grabbed back.

Adrenaline rushing through my veins, I grabbed the headphones from her, and the movement died.

Through the headphones, a faint voice spoke:

_The next person is the last person. _

_I'm so sorry. _

_Nogi. _

* * *

**Author's Note**: GASP! I'll try to update as soon as possible… But no promises… And like I said before, I'll post the endings in the 'Sad, Happy' order. Unless someone has something to say about it…? Let me know what you guys want to see!


	15. The Boy I Love

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Oh, except the words in this story.

**Author's Note:** This is the last reason, and yes, I decided to change the title to The Headphones, because it just makes more sense that way. This is supposedly the sad ending. :P LOL, I fail.

FINALLY, the ENDING! As for my PMs and reviews, I shall reply as soon as possible. :D

Dedicated to all of you, whom have supported me completely throughout this whole thing. Sorry if it's crappy, but it's the best I could do. :)

* * *

No. This couldn't be happening.

I took three deep breaths, before beginning to understand the atrociousness of the issue.

I fixed myself in my seat, and stared up at her, whom seemed rested in eternal slumber.

Seeing her peaceful yet lifeless face, my blood began to boil, hundreds of degrees higher, and impatience robbed me of my ability to think clearly. Suddenly, my mind felt a need for spiritual sustenance, and I took it as a sign for me to return home.

As I did so, with my hands gripping the headphones tightly, I found myself at a loss of words. Rather, I felt out of place. It was my house, yet I had felt as though I didn't deserve to live in it; it was my dining room, yet I felt I had not deserved the food served in it.

If I had done anything to Hotaru Imai, I felt that I didn't deserve to live.

I sat on my chair, wondering why on earth my name was called. I went back, all the way to the beginning of when we met, to the last time I glimpsed her bittersweet smile.

Everyone knew she was expecting a child. It was the latest gossip, and although I didn't want to believe it at first, the size of her stomach proved me wrong.

I didn't recall exactly what happened, possibly because I collected the data from different unreliable sources. One said that she gave the child up for adoption. Another said she actually raised the kid. And another? Although disgusting, claimed that she murdered the child after it was already born. Obviously, the latter earned the attention, and so that was printed in the news as latest gossip.

I wondered, at the moment, why on earth she didn't protest against those rumors, and claim they were untrue.

And wonder: _me_? Where do I fit in?

Explain yourself, Hotaru, for I had not one clue as to why I was on this list. Not a single drop of inspiration comes to mind.

I shuffled through my bag, shivering from fear of the next few words I would soon hear, and finally put on the headphones to diagnose my sin.

_Ruka Nogi. Where can I even begin? _

_For starters, you were always the popular one. So essentially, I could call you out on the idea of being completely and utterly dense. To a certain extent, you were the typical bystander, whom without fail, chose to follow his pack instead of help those in need. _

_But no. The reason why you're on this list comes afterwards. On the night you lost your pet rabbit. _

_I'm sure you recall it quite vividly, and so I won't bother the retelling of the whole story. My life was on a permanent hiatus at that moment, and I started losing faith in not only myself, but the people around me. _

I recalled it as a perfect night. A night when we finally connected.

_It was perfect. You came in, as the knight in shining armor, grabbed me in your arms and comforted me. And for once, I let go of my self control, and let my emotions take over my mind. Right before we parted, I promised you that I would never leave your sight, and I would let you protect me. _

_The only problem of the night? _

_Love. _

_Perhaps it was too late. Perhaps I needed to learn to be less naïve, and act that of a person whose life was in ruins. But there was something in your eyes, something in the way you cared, that made me wish and hope for a fairy tale. _

_I shouldn't have thought so childishly. Because that night, in my dormitory room, when Goshima knocked on my door taking your shape, I didn't hesitate to open the door for him. _

_While he was robbing me of my dignity, he looked like you. The entire time, although I could have spontaneously acted on impulse to attempt to pull away, I didn't. Because for the entire time, I believed in my mind that it was you. _

_I cried that night, because not only was my innocence ripped from my soul, but I was completely heartbroken. The only person I decided to trust, you, left me there to try to fix the shattered pieces of my heart. _

I heard her breathing heavily on the other side, and my chest grew heavier.

_I knew by the time I was pregnant that it wasn't you who had done it to me. _

_After horrible advice from my only way out of the situation, it came down to one decision. Keep, or not to keep. _

_Quite the nail-biting, life-changing decision, really._

_It had occurred to me that I didn't want to become a murderer. In the darkest moments of my life, my morality was one that I would never trade._

_With that in mind, I created a pill to fasten the pregnancy cycle. And so, despite the incredible shame of walking around with others stopping to stare, despite the insults others scoffed under their breath as I made it from location to location, I decided to give birth to the baby._

_I had already found a perfect pair of parents, whom seemed eager enough to be fully trusted by me. One was stoic, cool and collected, while the other was optimistic beyond belief, stabilizing the relationship, as opposite sides of a balance would._

_They reminded me of an older Hyuuga and Mikan. I wouldn't be able to ever see them like that, all grown up, ready for a child in their life. Yet, even if I were alive to see it, I doubted that they would ever speak to me._

_With that assurance, I was ready to leave the world. It was quite the preparation for me. So when people had started rumors once again that I had killed the baby, frankly, I didn't care._

_I thought that they would all take it back by the time I was through._

_Within two months, I gave birth to the baby. It was a girl, named Haruka, apparently. Lord knows how she's doing now._

_But you? Why are you here on this list? _

_Well… Remember the day that I last talked to you?_

It was also the day that you committed suicide. Wait a second. Why were you talking in past tense?

_That day, you confessed to me, did you not?_

True. I did. Perhaps I did it with half of my heart, knowing the scandals you'd been through. Perhaps I had committed the very worst sin, by confessing lackadaisically, when in my heart I believed what they said of you.

After all, what was I supposed to believe? You had shown me that the rumors remained true; you walked those halls with a belly enlarged to prove it.

_I saw you, and recall your face so clearly. You told me: _

'_Hey Imai,' with your usual gentle voice, 'I just wanted to say something.' _

'_Go ahead.' I told you, although truly I wasn't really paying attention. _

_Then you said those few words that hit me harder than the car ever would:_

'_I think I really like you.' You shifted your eyes away, as mine shifted away as well. I could tell you were blushing heavily. 'Do you think you could give me a chance?' _

I didn't recall the 'blushing heavily' part, and truthfully smiled a little.

_Admittedly, I was taken. Immediately, all of those feelings I decided to let go of flooded back into my brain and I allowed myself to drown in those nostalgic emotions. Honestly, it was the one thing I needed to hear, to completely stop me from leaving._

_And then my eyes travelled to meet your face. _

_I didn't see Ruka Nogi. _

_I saw the man who raped me, the one who stole everything from me. The one who destroyed my already cracked confidence. I couldn't bear looking up to your face, without hearing the words he whispered over and over. _

'_You deserved it; you asked for it.' _

_That was when I realized, they had rid me of the one thing I had left in my life. My opportunity to be happy, accepted, disappeared from my field of view in a flash. _

_I had to reject you, for I couldn't see your face for the genuine, kind soul it was. I could only see a corrupted mind, unable to be trusted._

_It was the last push. Towards the rushing cars on the road that looked so inviting. _

I closed my eyes and let uncontrollable tears roll down my cheeks. I'm so sorry, Hotaru.

_So you're here, on this list, for me to apologize. _

_I wanted to let you know that I loved you, without even believing in the word. I trusted you, without witnessing trust in its true form._

_I'm sorry I didn't stay by your side. I had made a broken promise. But I wanted you to know why I did this, and why you couldn't protect me. _

And after that, silence. Absolute, uninterrupted silence. Perhaps it was the inside of my heart; I had never encountered a moment wherein such a silent moment could be so painful.

Was that the end?

_Do you understand, Nogi? Can you hear me? _

'Yes. Yes, Hotaru, I can.' I replied to her, and at that moment, I had convinced myself that this life, this love, had taken over the sanity left in my brain.

_That's better. Now you got the hang of it. _

Wait. Had she just replied to me? Did that mean that she could hear me as well?

The chair I sat in started feeling much less comfortable, and shifted around to find a perfect spot.

_Nogi, don't you find it easier to talk like this?_

'Yes, Hotaru. I do.'

_I love you, just like this. _

My heart drummed out of tune with the frankness of her tone, and how I agreed with her, smiling uncontrollably to her reaction. In the stir of the moment, I knocked over a pile of newspapers, with one headline catching my attention:

**BROTHER DECIDES TO SHUT OFF LIFE SUPPORT OF SISTER**

It was dated the day I read it; immediately I understood who it was, and suddenly felt an impulse to stop it.

_Nogi, wait._

I stopped.

_I… can't… breathe…_

Hotaru?

_Please… stop… Subaru…_

Submissively, I rushed to the hospital room.

* * *

Arriving in her hospital room, as expected, I saw her lying down, while her brother was fiddling with the heavy machinery that was fuelling her life.

I ran quickly, and pushed him aside.

'What are you do-'

'Don't do that.' I managed between breaths, 'Please.'

Subaru glared at the headphones I was grasping in my right hand. 'Why do you have that?'

'Why?' I asked, confused as to what he meant.

'Those are designed to give people another chance to say goodbye to their loved ones. It gives thirty seconds for someone dead to say their wishes, or their regrets, before they pass on.'

As if my brain was triggered by a special impulse, I decided to put the headphones on her head. I felt the adrenaline rushing through my veins, begging to keep her alive, even for just a little while.

Just as I put it on, doubt overwhelmed me.

What if she wakes up, and doesn't want to see me? What if she can't talk to me, the way she did in the headphones?

I realized then, that I had committed the biggest sin in the world.

I, subconsciously, did not want her to come back. I wanted to keep the relationship created between me and her headphones, her voice in my head.

_Nogi… Help… _

Hearing her voice, a thought crossed my mind: what was I saying?

I realized I loved her, so much more than that. That no matter if she talked to me, if she looked at me as myself or anyone else, I wanted her to have the chance to live. Despite knowing that she would only live for a few seconds after she comes back, I loved her so much that I wanted to see her with someone who would truly make her happy, whether that was me or not.

I wanted to convince her that life was worth living, for her to see how much she has changed everyone who had done her wrong.

I loved her enough to wish of defying fate, such that the headphones would revive her for good.

I kept that assurance close to my heart, beating the blood around my body so quickly that the nausea was taking over, and took it as motivation and placed the headphones onto her head.

As her brother looked at me in disbelief, I held her hand and lowered my head down to pray.

Suddenly, a squeeze back. My eyes sprang open, and an even stronger squeeze tightened my grip.

A breath. Her eyes. Open.

I witnessed her violet eyes glare at me, a slight smile present on her face.

'Nogi…' She could barely speak, breathing heavily, 'I'm sorry.'

I quickly stated, 'No, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Hotaru. I-'

She put her finger on my lips, gesturing me to stop.

'I understand now, Nogi. What you wanted me to see.' She stopped. 'Oh _crap_. Seeing you, I can't stop but wish to live.'

'I wish you do. Please, don't leave.' I begged, with hot tears running, and from the side of the room, Subaru's jaw dropped. 'Stay.'

'I've always wanted to say, goodbye.' She started, and panic crossed my mind, sending shivers down my spine.

'No. Don't say goodbye. Just say hello.'

'_Hello_.' She smiled, her violet eyes filled with water that she tried desperately to hide. I spent a few moments, absorbing her voice actually coming from her mouth.

'I promise to protect you; you don't have anything to worry about.' I quickly managed, 'Subaru, and everyone on the list, they're better. They've changed for you.'

A tear fell from her eye, and she took her energy, brought her body up to meet me. Her lips met mine, gentle and frail. It was nothing long or even remotely romantic, just a peck which connected us together.

She whispered,

'Thank you.'

Those two words, so uplifting yet heartbreaking at the same time, had the ability to break me down completely and I felt pieces of my heart fall, drowning in her beauty.

She collapsed onto the bed, her headphones still on her head, and fell to eternal slumber.

I fell to the floor, on my knees, and wept. I took the headphones from her head, and held it close, only to hear the last few words to ever come out of it.

_I love you, Ruka. _

* * *

Every day after that, I think of Hotaru. Every day after that, I listen to her headphones, in hope that she would somehow talk to me. Every night, I hold her headphones close to my chest, and sometimes could swear I hear her heartbeat next to mine.

Never has there been a case of bullying in the academy, since she left. All treated as equals, we have become united.

Sometimes, I hear her voice. Telling me not to worry about her, telling me to move on. Up in the sky, she is looking down, looking after me. At least, I like to think so.

I stand in front of her grave, five years after that day. Today, I decide to let her go.

I commemorate her existence.

For without her, every student neglected would stay that way. All of the abused will stay silent.

And me? I would be without love, experience, or a reason to subsist.

The list of people she mentioned now live in perfect harmony, but keep her memory close to heart. Her very existence had given the list of people, the reasons why she died, reasons to live.

I dig a deep hole; close enough to her coffin as possible. I let a bead of moisture stain the dirt at the dark bottom.

I look up at her headphones, glittering like a teardrop from the Gods, the symbol of the connection between us.

I drop it in. Bury it, with the memories of my lost love.

Down my cheeks, little droplets roll like rain.

Doubt. Pain. Acceptance.

I grow to understand more than what I have lost.

I run for the door in front of me, smiling. At last, looking forward to the future.

I can smile on, let love live; force the door of opportunities open.

And from above,

My guardian angel smiles.

* * *

**Author's Note**: LOL, I rushed the end. -_- Well, that was the sad ending. :P The happy one's coming up, but no promises that I'll be able to update soon.


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